Always laugh when you can... Laughter is the best medicine!
Desert Island Jokes
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Mother's Day Jokes
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Valentine's Day Jokes
Women's Day Jokes
Yes, no, yes, no...
There are 2 women getting ready to leave for work. The brunette gets in the driver's seat and the blonde gets in the passenger's seat.
The brunette says: "We're late, so you watch out the back window for cops." As she speeds down the road she asks the blonde:
"So, do you see any cops?"
The blonde replies: "Yes!"
The brunette says: "Are they behind us?"
"Are they close?"
"Are they going to stop us?"
"I don't know!"
"Well, are their lights on?"
The blonde replies: "Yes, no, yes, no, yes, no...!
Ouch... It hurts!
Blonde walks into a doctors office and says: "Doctor, what’s the problem with me? When I touch my arm, ouch! It hurts... When I touch my leg, ouch! it hurts... When I touch my head, ouch! It hurts... When I touch my chest, ouch! it really hurts!"
The Doctor replies: "Your finger is broken."
Head and Shoulders
A blonde and a brunette were talking one day. The brunette said that her boyfriend had a slight dandruff problem but she gave him "Head and Shoulders" and it cleared it up.
The blonde asked inquisitively: "How do you give shoulders?"
A fellow blonde
A Blonde was down on her luck. In order to raise some money, she decided to kidnap a kid and hold him for ransom. She went to the playground, grabbed a kid, took him behind a tree, and told him: "I've kidnapped you."
She then wrote a note saying: "I've kidnapped your kid. Tomorrow morning, put $10,000 in a paper bag and put it under the pecan tree next to the slide on the north side of the playground. Signed, A Blonde."
The Blonde then pinned the note to the kid's shirt and sent him home to show it to his parents. The next morning the blonde checked, and sure enough, a paper bag was sitting beneath the pecan tree. The Blonde opened the bag and found the $10,000 with a note that said: "How could you do this to a fellow Blonde?"
A blonde comes to a hotel in Toronto. Receptionist asks:
R: First name?
R: Last name?
B: Twice a day!
R: No, no, no! Male or female?
B: Doesn't matter!
A blonde got lost in her car in a snow storm. She remembered what her dad had once told her: "If you ever get stuck in a snow storm, wait for a snow plow and follow it."
Pretty soon a snow plow came by, and she started to follow it. She followed the plow for about forty five minutes. Finally the driver of the truck got out and asked her what she was doing. She explained that her dad had told her if she ever got stuck in the snow, to follow a plow.
The driver nodded and said: "Well, I'm done with this parking lot, now you can follow me over to the another one."
The legs in the air
Two friends, a blonde and a redhead, are walking down the street and pass a flower shop where the redhead happens to see her husband buying flowers. She sighs and says:
"Oh, crap, my husband is buying me flowers again… for no reason... and he always has expectations after giving me flowers, and I just don't feel like spending the next three days on my back with my legs in the air."
The blonde says: "Don't you have a vase?"
The blonde got a cell phone
A young man, wanted to get his beautiful blonde wife something nice for their first wedding anniversary. So, he decides to buy her a cell phone. She is all excited and she loves her phone. He shows her and explains to her all the features on the phone.
The next day the blonde goes to get her hair done. Her phone rings and it's her husband:
"Hi honey", he says, "How do you like your new phone?"
"I just love it, it's so small and your voice is clear as a bell. But there's one thing I don't understand. How did you know I was at the beauty parlor?"
Why did the blonde stare at the orange juice bottle for 3 hours?
Because it said "concentrate"!
What do you call a blonde with half a brain?
Why is it good to have a blonde passenger?
You can park in the handicap zone!
Why should blondes not be given coffee breaks?
It takes too long to retrain them!
Why did the blonde keep ice cubes in the freezer?
So she could keep the refriderator cold!
Why can't a blonde dial 911?
She can't find the eleven!
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