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Desert Island Jokes
Father's Day Jokes
Mother in Law Jokes
Mother's Day Jokes
New Year Jokes
Old People Jokes
St. Patrick's Jokes
Valentine's Day Jokes
Women's Day Jokes
FATHER'S DAY JOKES
Junior had just received his brand new drivers license. To celebrate, the whole family trooped out to the driveway and climbed into the car for his inaugural drive. Dad immediately headed to the back seat, directly behind the newly minted driver.
"I'll bet you're back there to get a change of scenery after all those months of sitting in the front passenger seat teaching me how to drive," said the beaming boy to his ol' man.
"Nope... I'm gonna sit here and kick the back of your seat as you drive, just like you've been doing to me for sixteen years."
"What's your father's occupation?", asked the teacher on the first day of the new academic year.
"He's a magician, Ma'am," said the new boy.
"How interesting. What's his favorite trick?"
"He saws people in half."
"Gosh! Now, next question. Any brothers or sisters?"
"One half brother and two half sisters."
"Daddy, where did I come from?" the seven-year-old son asked.
It was a moment for which his father had carefully prepared. He took him into the living room, got out the encyclopedia and several other books, and explained all they thought he should know about sexual attraction, affection, love, and reproductions. Then, his dad sat back and smiled contentedly. "Does that answer your question?" his father asked.
"Not really," the little boy said, "Michael said he came from Detroit. I want to know where I came from."
One evening a little girl and her parents were sitting around the table eating supper. The little girl said: "Daddy, you're the boss, aren't you?"
Her Daddy smiled, pleased, and said: "Yes!"
The little girl continued: "That's because Mummy put you in charge, right?"
God will provide for us
A young woman brings her fiance home to meet her parents. After dinner, her mother tells her father to find out about the young man, so the father invites the fiancee to his study for a drink.
"So what are your plans?" the father asks the young man.
"I am a Torah scholar", he replies.
"A Torah scholar... Hmmm", the father says. "Admirable, but what will you do to provide a nice house for my daughter to live in, as she's accustomed to?"
"I will study", the young man replies, "and God will provide for us."
"And how will you buy her a beautiful engagement ring, such as she deserves?" asks the father.
"I will concentrate on my studies", the young man replies, "God will provide for us."
"And children?" asks the father. "How will you support children?"
"Don't worry, sir, God will provide," replies the fiancee.
The conversation proceeds like this, and each time the father questions, the young idealist insists that God will provide.
Later, the mother asks: "How did it go, Honey?"
And the father answers: "He has no job and no plans, but the good news is he thinks I'm God."
Who will get the toy?
Tom had won a toy at a raffle. He called his kids together to ask which one them should have the present.
"Who is the most obedient?" he asked, "Who never talks back to mother? Who does everything she says?"
Three small voices answered in unison: "Okay, dad, you get the toy."
George Washington told the truth
Once there was a little boy who lived in the country.
For facilities, they had to use an outhouse, and the little boy hated it because it was hot in the summer, cold in the winter and stank all the time. The outhouse was sitting on the bank of a creek and the boy determined that one day he would push that outhouse into the water.
One day after a spring rain, the creek was swollen so the little boy decided today was the day to push the outhouse into the creek. So he got a large stick and pushed. Finally, the outhouse toppled into the creek and floated away.
That night his dad told him they were going to the woodshed after supper. Knowing that meant a spanking, the little boy asked why...
The dad replied: "Someone pushed the outhouse into the creek today. It was you, wasn't it, son?"
The boy answered: "Yes!" Then he thought a moment and said: "Dad, I read in school today that George Washington chopped down a cherry tree and didn't get into trouble because he told the truth..."
The dad replied: "Well, son, George Washington's father wasn't in that cherry tree!"
Happy Father'$ Day
Happy Father'$ Day and be$t wi$he$. $chool i$ really great. I am making lot$ of friend$ and $tudying very hard. With all my $tuff, I $imply can't think of anything I need, $o if you would like, you can ju$t $end me a card, a$ I would love to hear from you.
Love, Your $on
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I kNOw that astroNOmy, ecoNOmics, and oceaNOgraphy are eNOugh to keep even an hoNOr student busy. Do NOt forget that the pursuit of kNOwledge is a NOble task, and you can never study eNOugh.
I figured out why they call our language the "Mother tongue".
Fathers never get a chance to use much of it.
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