Always laugh when you can... Laughter is the best medicine!
Desert Island Jokes
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Women's Day Jokes
Two guys were on lake fishing, using worms. One of the guys gets a nibble and reels in his line. He caught a bottle. He uncorks the bottle and out come a genie. He grants him one wish, so the guy thinks and thinks. Finnaly he said: "I wish this whole lake were beer!" Poof!!! The lake turns to beer. The other guy looks at him and said: "You idiot, now we have to pee in the boat!"
It's my eyes
A guy rings his boss and says: "I can't come to work today!"
The boss asks why and the guy says: "It's my eyes."
"What's wrong with your eyes?" asks the boss.
"I just can't see myself coming to work, so I'm going fishing instead..."
A woman is in bed with her lover who also happens to be her husband's best friend and the phone rings. She picks up the receiver, and her lover looks over at her and listens, only hearing her side of the conversation...
"Hello? Oh, hi. I'm so glad that you called." she says speaking in a cheery voice. "Really? That's wonderful... I am so happy for you... that sounds terrific... Great!... Thanks... Okay... Bye..."
She hangs up the telephone and her lover asks: "Who was that?"
"Oh" she replies, "that was my husband telling me all about the wonderful time he's having on his fishing trip with you."
These are my pet fish
A man was stopped by a game warden in Ontario recently with two buckets of fish leaving a lake well known for its fishing.
The game warden asked the man: "Do you have a license to catch those fish?"
The man replied to the game warden: "No, sir. These are my pet fish."
"Pet fish?!" the warden replied.
"Yes, sir. Every night I take these fish down to the lake and let them swim around for a while. I whistle and they jump back into their buckets, and I take them home."
"That's a bunch of hooey! Fish can't do that!"
The man looked at the game warden for a moment, and then said: "Here, I'll show you. It really works."
"O.K. I've GOT to see this!" the game warden replied.
The man poured the fish in to the water and stood and waited. After several minutes, the game warden turned to the man and said: "Well?"
"Well, what?" the man asked.
"When are you going to call them back?" the game warden prompted.
"Call who back?" the man asked.
"What fish?" the man asked.
More fish, more money
A businessman of multinational company from Sweden was having a morning stroll on the beach at Kovalam, near Trivandrum, Kerala, India. He was enjoying a free morning from the Business Strategy seminar being held in the luxury hotel.
As he walked along he came across a fisherman lazing on the warm sand between two large fishes and he stopped to chat with him. He asked him what he was doing on the beach. The guy said he was waiting for customers to come to the beach in a couple of hours to buy his fishes, for which he would get $5 profit.
The businessman, a little surprised at this intelligent man wasting his time lying on the beach, asked him why he did not go out and catch more fish before the customers arrived. The fisherman queried him as to what he would do with more fish.
He said that he would get more money if he sold more fish. The fisherman appeared confused and asked what he would do with more money.
The smart man explained that he could buy a small boat, go out to sea and catch more fish. The confusion of the fisherman appeared to grow. He asked what he would do with even more fish.
He told the fisherman that he could catch more fish and make more money. In fact, he could become a rich man. The fisherman was quite taken aback. He asked them what he would do with all the money he got.
The Swede was quick to tell him that he could form a multinational company, get others to do his work while he relaxed on the beach, enjoying the sun and the sand. The fisherman looked at them incredulously. He asked them a simple question - "What am I doing here just now?"
The orange roughy
Jim had an awful day fishing on the lake, sitting in the blazing sun all day without catching a single one. On his way home, he stopped at the supermarket and ordered four catfish. He told the fish salesman: "Pick four large ones out and throw them at me, will you?"
"Why do you want me to throw them at you?"
"Because I want to tell my wife that I caught them."
"Okay, but I suggest that you take the orange roughy."
"Because your wife came in earlier today and said that if you came by, I should tell you to take orange roughy. That's what she'd like for supper tonight."
Two men were fishing together and relaxing on the bank of a beautiful river. Mike was regressing back into his childhood and he turned to Sam and said: "Hey Sam, have you ever realized any of your childhood dreams?"
Sam thought for a moment and said: "Yeah, Mike... I sure have... My mother used to brush my hair when I was young and I thought to myself - I wish I didn't have any.
I made an 'X'
Two morons rent a boat and go fishing. They catch a lot of fish and return to the shore.
1st moron: "I hope you remember the spot where we caught all those fish."
2nd moron: "Yes, I made an 'X' on the side of the boat to mark the spot."
1st moron: "You idiot! How do you know we'll get the same boat?"
I believe him
"Do you really believe your husband when he tells you he goes fishing every weekend?" asked Jane's best friend.
"Why shouldn't I?" said Jane.
"Well, maybe he is having an affair?"
"No way" said Jane "he never returns with any fish..."
"What's the biggest fish you ever caught?"
"That would be the one that measured fourteen inches...."
"That's not so big!"
"Between the eyes?"
Why fishing is better than making love?
When you go fishing and you catch something, that's good. If you're making love and you catch something, that's bad.
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