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POLITICAL JOKES

You have two cows

Feudalism: You have two cows. Your lord takes some of the milk.
Fascism: You have two cows. The government takes both, hires you to take care of them and sells you the milk.
Communism: You have two cows. You must take care of them, but the government takes all the milk.
Capitalism: You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull. Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows. You sell them and retire on the income.
Canadanism: You have two cows. You sell three of them to your publicly listed company, using letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a debt-equity swap with an associated general offer so that you get all four cows back, with a tax exemption for five cows. The milk rights of the six cows are transferred through an intermediary to a US company secretly owned by the majority shareholder who sells the rights to all seven cows back to your listed company. The annual report says the company owns eight cows, with an option on one more.
He got elected

"My uncle ran for the Parliament last month!"
"Really? What does he do now?"
"Nothing. He got elected."
Half of the Parliament

A member of the Canadian Parliament, known for his hot temper and acid tongue, exploded one day in mid-session and began to shout, "Half of this Parliament is made up of cowards and corrupt politicians!" All the other members of the Parliament demanded that the angry member withdraw his statement, or be removed from the remainder of the session.
After a long pause, the angry member acquiesced. "OK," he said, "I withdraw what I said. Half of this Parliament is NOT made up of cowards and corrupt politicians!"
Advanced medicine

An Israeli doctor says: "Medicine in my country is so advanced that we can take a kidney out of one man, put it in another, and have him looking for work in 6 weeks."
A German doctor says: "That is nothing, we can take a lung out of one person, put it in another, and have him looking for work in 4 weeks.
A Russian doctor says: "In my country, medicine is so advanced that we can take half a heart out of one person, put it in another, and have them both looking for work in 2 weeks."
The Macedonian doctor, not to be outdone, says: "You guys are way behind, we recently took a man with no brain, put him in the government for eight years, and now half the country is trying to immigrate"

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