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PRESIDENT JOKESAdvanced medicine
An Israeli doctor says: "Medicine in my country is so advanced that we can take a kidney out of one man, put it in another, and have him looking for work in 6 weeks."
A German doctor says: "That is nothing, we can take a lung out of one person, put it in another, and have him looking for work in 4 weeks.
A Russian doctor says: "In my country, medicine is so advanced that we can take half a heart out of one person, put it in another, and have them both looking for work in 2 weeks."
The Texas doctor, not to be outdone, says: "You guys are way behind, we recently took a man with no brain out of Texas, put him in the White House for four years, and now half the country is looking for work."
Tragedy
President Bush is visiting a school. In one class, he asks the students if anyone can give him an example of a "tragedy".
One little boy stands up and offers: "If my best friend who lives next door was playing in the street when a car came along and killed him, that would be a tragedy."
"No," Bush says, "That would be an ACCIDENT."
A girl raises her hand. "If a school bus carrying fifty children drove off a cliff, killing everyone involved, that would be a tragedy."
"I'm afraid not," explains Bush. "That is what we would call a GREAT LOSS."
The room is silent. None of the other children volunteer.
"What?" asks Bush, "Isn't there any one here who can give me an example of a tragedy?"
Finally, a boy in the back raises his hand. In a timid voice, he says: "If an airplane carrying the Bush Family were blown up by a bomb, that would be a tragedy."
"Wonderful!" Bush beams. "Marvelous! And can you tell me WHY that would be a tragedy?"
"Well," says the boy, "because it wouldn't be an ACCIDENT, and it certainly would not be a GREAT LOSS TOO!
Wheelchair
George Bush was out jogging one morning along the parkway when he tripped, fell over the bridge railing and landed in the creek below.
Before the Secret Service guys could get to him, three kids, who were fishing, pulled him out of the water. He was so grateful he offered the kids whatever they wanted.
The first kid said: "I sure would like to go to Disneyland." George said: "No problem. I'll take you there on Air Force One."
The second kid said: "I really need a new pair of Nike Air Jordan's." George said: "I'll get them for you and even have Michael sign them!"
The third kid said: "I want a motorized wheelchair with a built-in TV and stereo headset!!"
George Bush is a little perplexed by this and says: "But you don't look like you are injured."
The kid says: "But I will be after my dad finds out I saved your ass from drowning!"
It's me, of course!
G.W.Bush was very depressed that people were saying he is stupid.
So he calls his good friend Queen Elizabeth, who says: "Now George, what you need to do is to surround yourself with smart people. Let me show you." She calls Tony Blair in and asks: "Tony, your parents had a baby. It isn't your sister and it isn't your brother. Who is it?"
Tony Blair responds: "It's me, of course!"
"Correct. Thank you and good-bye, sir," says the Queen. She hangs up and says: "Did you get that, Mr. Bush?"
"Yes ma'am. Thanks a lot. I'll definitely be using that!"
So, upon returning to Washington, G.W. calls Dick Cheney and says: "Dick, your parents had a baby. It isn't your sister and it isn't your brother. Who is it?"
And Cheney says: "Wow, let me think about it and get back to you."
So Cheney calls Colin Powell and says: "Colin, your parents had a baby. It isn't your sister and it isn't your brother. Who is it?" And Colin Powell says: "It's me, of course!"
So Cheney calls Bush and says: "I know the answer, sir! I know who it is! It's Colin Powell."
And Bush says: "No, you idiot! It's Tony Blair!"
Gold urinal
Before the inauguration, George W. was invited to a 'get acquainted' tour of the White House. After drinking several glasses of iced tea, he asked President Clinton if he could use his personal bathroom. He was astonished to see that the President had a solid gold urinal!
That afternoon, George W. told his wife, Laura, about the urinal: "Just think," he said, "when I am President, I'll have my own personal gold urinal!"
Later, when Laura had lunch with Hillary at her tour of the White House, she told Hillary how impressed George had been with his discovery of the fact that, in the President's private bathroom, the President had a gold urinal.
That evening, Bill and Hillary were getting ready for bed. Hillary turned to Bill and said: "Well, I found out who peed in your saxophone."
Where is my friend Bob?
On a propaganda tour through the United States President George Bush visits a school and explains his political actions. Afterwards he invites the children to ask him questions.
Little Bob rises to speak: “Mr. President, I have got three questions to ask:
1. How did you win the election although you had less votes than Gore?
2. Why do you want to attack the Iraq without reason?
3. Don't you think that the nuclear bomb on Hiroshima was the biggest terrorist attack of all times?”
Just in that moment the bell for the break rings and the children run out of the classroom. When they come back from the break President Bush encourages them again to ask questions.
This time Joey rises to speak: “Mr. President, I have got five questions to ask:
1. How did you win the election although you had less votes than Gore?
2. Why do you want to attack the Iraq without reason?
3. Don't you think that the nuclear bomb on Hiroshima was the biggest terrorist attack of all times?
4. Why did the bell ring 20 minutes earlier today?
5. Where is my friend Bob?”
UN: Do we have any proof at all that the Iraqi posess massive killing weapons?
Bush: Of course. We kept the receipts.
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