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RUSSIA JOKES

Mercedes CLA250

A New Russian comes into a car dealership and asks for a silver Mercedes CLA250. The confused seller asks him:
- Excuse me, sir, but didn't you buy exactly same car three days ago?
- I sure did, - reports the New Russian, - But in that one the ashtray is filled up already!!!
Get lost

A New Russian's son approaches a gorgeous lady in a lobby of five-star Metropol hotel.
- Mind a stroll? - he volunteers.
- Well, I bet your car ain't a Volvo, - she replies.
- Nope, it is not, - he confides.
- And you do not own even an average size bank, - she continues.
- Nope, - he admits again.
- And you don't have a three-storey house in Old Arbat, - she concludes. He agrees again.
- Then get lost, miser! The lady leaves, and the chap stands in distressed puzzlement.
- I can trade my Porsche Panamera for a Volvo, - he muses to himself, - and I can split my financial trust into a chain of average-size banks, but I obviously can't talk my father into demolishing the top three floors of our Old Arbat residence...
Life sux

An New Russian meets an old Russian. The old Russian asks:
- How are you these days, Vasya?
- Well, life sux, - the NR replies, - I'm so tired of the Bahamas, and of those French restaurants, and those thousand-dollar-a-night whores... Really wears me up... Wha'bout you, old buddy?
- Imagine, I haven't been eating anything for three days already, - the old Russian says in a weak voice.
- Well, man, - says the New Russian, - I've had this sort of problem. You have to force yourself!
In tax police

- Where did you get money to buy MERCEDES?
- I sold my FORD, added little bit money and bought it.
- Where did you get money to buy FORD?
- I sold my LADA, added little bit money and bought it.
- Where did you get money to buy LADA?
- I already have been in prison for that.
Risk

American style of risk:
Racing in cars. One out of ten cars has a bad engine.

Risk - a la France:
Unprotected sex with a group of women. One out of ten women in the group has AIDS.

Russian style:
Telling political joke to a group of 7-8 people, one of whom is an informer.

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