🏫 School Jokes

Early one morning, a mother went in to wake up her son. "Wake up, son. It's time to go to school!"

"But why, Mom? I don't want to go."

"Give me two reasons why you don't want to go."

"Well, the kids hate me for one, and the teachers hate me, too!"

"Oh, that's no reason not to go to school. Come on now and get ready."

"Give me two reasons why I should go to school."

"Well, for one, you're 52 years old. And for another, you're the Principal!"

Son: I can't go to school today.

Father: Why not?

Son: I don't feel well.

Father: Where don't you feel well?

Son: In the school!

The following are some classic written excuses given to teachers in the Alburquerque public school system:

"Dear School: Please excuse John from being absent on Jan. 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, and also 33."

"Excuse Gloria. She has been under the doctor."

"Carlos was absent yesterday because he was playing football. He was hit in the growing part."

"My daughter was absent yesterday because she was tired. She spent this weekend with the Marines."

"Maryann was absent Dec. 11-16, because she had a fever, sore throat, headache, and upset stomach. Her sister was also sick, fever and sore throat, her brother had a low-grade fever. There must be the flu going around, her father even got hot last night."

"George was absent yesterday because he had a stomach."

"Please excuse Lupe. She is having problems with her ovals."

"I kept Billie home because she had to go Christmas shopping because I don't know what size she wear."

Q: What's 1 and 1?

A: 2

Q: That's good

A: Good!?!... That's perfect!

Teacher: "Marko, did an AI chatbot write your essay?"

Marko: "No, ma'am!"

Teacher: "Then why does it end with: 'Would you like me to make it twenty percent shorter?'"

Teacher: "Stefan, what is the capital of France?"

Silence.

"Stefan?"

"S-sorry — teacher — you're — breaking — up —"

"Stefan, school reopened two years ago. I am standing right in front of you."

Teacher: "If your father buys one hundred dollars of cryptocurrency, and it loses half its value every year, what does he have after three years?"

Little Ivan: "A hobby nobody is allowed to mention at dinner."

Little Goran came home from school.

"Dad, the teacher says I spend too much time on my phone."

"And what did you say to her?"

"Nothing. I left her a one-star review."

My son came home with a note from his teacher: "Stefan doesn't do his homework and blames it on his grandmother."

I asked him if this was true.

"Partly," he said. "I don't do the homework. But I never blamed Baba. I said she needed help making ajvar, and roasting two hundred peppers is a family emergency."

The teacher, who is also Macedonian, marked it excused.

Q: Why do teachers wear sunglasses to class?
A: Because their students are so bright.

Q: Then why do they keep aspirin in the desk drawer?
A: Same students, same reason. Brilliance is blinding first thing in the morning and a headache by the afternoon.

My father had one response to every report card: "In Macedonia, I walked eight kilometres to school. Uphill. In snow."

One year I brought home straight A's and asked what he had to say now.

He studied the card for a long time. "Clearly," he said, "the walk to your school is too short."

A teacher asks her class, "If you have ten chocolates and your brother asks you for five, how many do you have left?"

Little Marko answers, "Ten."

"Marko, you didn't understand the question."

"No, Miss. You don't understand my brother. He asked last week too, and the answer is still ten."

On my first day of school in Canada, my mother packed me burek, and I begged her for a plain sandwich like the other kids had.

By June, the other kids' parents were asking my mother for the recipe, and I was trading half a burek for two sandwiches, a pudding cup, and a Blue Jays card.

That was my first economics lesson: never underestimate the exchange rate on Baba's cooking.