🪆 Russia Jokes

A New Russian comes into a car dealership and asks for a silver Mercedes CLA250. The confused seller asks him:

- Excuse me, sir, but didn't you buy exactly same car three days ago?

- I sure did, - reports the New Russian, - But in that one the ashtray is filled up already!!!

A New Russian's son approaches a gorgeous lady in a lobby of five-star Metropol hotel.

- Mind a stroll? - he volunteers.

- Well, I bet your car ain't a Volvo, - she replies.

- Nope, it is not, - he confides.

- And you do not own even an average size bank, - she continues.

- Nope, - he admits again.

- And you don't have a three-storey house in Old Arbat, - she concludes. He agrees again.

- Then get lost, miser! The lady leaves, and the chap stands in distressed puzzlement.

- I can trade my Porsche Panamera for a Volvo, - he muses to himself, - and I can split my financial trust into a chain of average-size banks, but I obviously can't talk my father into demolishing the top three floors of our Old Arbat residence...

An New Russian meets an old Russian. The old Russian asks:

- How are you these days, Vasya?

- Well, life sux, - the NR replies, - I'm so tired of the Bahamas, and of those French restaurants, and those thousand-dollar-a-night whores... Really wears me up... Wha'bout you, old buddy?

- Imagine, I haven't been eating anything for three days already, - the old Russian says in a weak voice.

- Well, man, - says the New Russian, - I've had this sort of problem. You have to force yourself!

- Where did you get money to buy MERCEDES?

- I sold my FORD, added little bit money and bought it.

- Where did you get money to buy FORD?

- I sold my LADA, added little bit money and bought it.

- Where did you get money to buy LADA?

- I already have been in prison for that.

American style of risk:

Racing in cars. One out of ten cars has a bad engine.

Risk - a la France:

Unprotected sex with a group of women. One out of ten women in the group has AIDS.

Russian style:

Telling political joke to a group of 7-8 people, one of whom is an informer.

Question to Radio Yerevan: "Is it true that artificial intelligence has finally arrived in our country?"

Radio Yerevan answers: "In principle, yes. It arrived, examined the paperwork required to exist, and is now standing in line for the permit."

A man stood in line for six hours. When he finally reached the window, the clerk announced proudly: "Comrade, good news! This was the line to register for the new app that lets you queue from home!"

"Marvelous! And where do I get the app?"

"In the second line."

The store director proudly announced: "Comrades, our store has been fully modernized! We now have self-checkout!"

An old woman raised her hand: "But the shelves are empty. What do we check out?"

"Ourselves, comrade. And quickly, please — others are waiting."

Question to Radio Yerevan: "Is it true that in the West, people keep their savings in cryptocurrency?"

Radio Yerevan answers: "In principle, yes. And we salute them, for they have finally discovered our banking system: the money officially exists, but no one can withdraw it."