🏫 School Jokes

Early one morning, a mother went in to wake up her son. "Wake up, son. It's time to go to school!"

"But why, Mom? I don't want to go."

"Give me two reasons why you don't want to go."

"Well, the kids hate me for one, and the teachers hate me, too!"

"Oh, that's no reason not to go to school. Come on now and get ready."

"Give me two reasons why I should go to school."

"Well, for one, you're 52 years old. And for another, you're the Principal!"

Son: I can't go to school today.

Father: Why not?

Son: I don't feel well.

Father: Where don't you feel well?

Son: In the school!

The following are some classic written excuses given to teachers in the Alburquerque public school system:

"Dear School: Please excuse John from being absent on Jan. 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, and also 33."

"Excuse Gloria. She has been under the doctor."

"Carlos was absent yesterday because he was playing football. He was hit in the growing part."

"My daughter was absent yesterday because she was tired. She spent this weekend with the Marines."

"Maryann was absent Dec. 11-16, because she had a fever, sore throat, headache, and upset stomach. Her sister was also sick, fever and sore throat, her brother had a low-grade fever. There must be the flu going around, her father even got hot last night."

"George was absent yesterday because he had a stomach."

"Please excuse Lupe. She is having problems with her ovals."

"I kept Billie home because she had to go Christmas shopping because I don't know what size she wear."

Q: What's 1 and 1?

A: 2

Q: That's good

A: Good!?!... That's perfect!

Teacher: "Marko, did an AI chatbot write your essay?"

Marko: "No, ma'am!"

Teacher: "Then why does it end with: 'Would you like me to make it twenty percent shorter?'"

Teacher: "Stefan, what is the capital of France?"

Silence.

"Stefan?"

"S-sorry — teacher — you're — breaking — up —"

"Stefan, school reopened two years ago. I am standing right in front of you."

Teacher: "If your father buys one hundred dollars of cryptocurrency, and it loses half its value every year, what does he have after three years?"

Little Ivan: "A hobby nobody is allowed to mention at dinner."

Little Goran came home from school.

"Dad, the teacher says I spend too much time on my phone."

"And what did you say to her?"

"Nothing. I left her a one-star review."