🌷 Women's Day Jokes

Seventy-five year old Marvin goes to the local mall and tries to find a gift for his wife for Women’s Day.

Upon passing a lingerie store, Marvin realizes that his wife has never bought any lingerie in her life. He gets the idea to buy his wife something sexy to make her feel good and young. Marvin goes into the store and tells the clerk to wrap up the most expensive, sheerest negligee she has. Marvin takes the gift and excitedly runs home to his wife. Upon finding her in the kitchen he tells her to take the gift upstairs and unwrap it. He'll wait in the kitchen. His wife thanks him and goes up to the bedroom. Once the package is opened she realizes that this is something she's never had before. She also sees that it is so sheer it leaves nothing to the imagination. She thinks for a moment and then decides that she'll really surprise Marvin and go downstairs without any clothes on at all. So she leaves the negligee on the bed and starts down the stairs stark naked.

She calls out: "Marvin, come out to the hallway and look."

Marvin walks out to the staircase, looks up at his wife, and exclaims: "All that money and they didn't even iron it?!"

While reading the newspaper, Walter came across an article about a beautiful actress and model who married a boxer who was not noted for his IQ.

"I'll never understand," he said to his wife, "why the biggest jerks get the most attractive wives."

His wife replied: "Thank you, dear!"

Bob had been listening to his wife practicing her singing.

"Honey," he said, "I wish you'd sing the songs about Women’s Day."

"That’s nice of you, Bob," she said. "Why?"

"Then I'd only have to hear you once a year!"

Which Women's Day gift would you like? To determine your personality, pick the gift you'd most like to receive!

1. Candy

2. Flowers

3. A sweet poem

4. Dinner/Dancing

5. Waffle iron

1. CANDY

It means that... You are a sweet person who enjoys traditional gifts and hopefully likes to share.

OR... You're a selfish chocoholic who values a sugar high over everything, even true love.

2. FLOWERS

It means that... You love the beauty of nature, the scent of flowers and appreciate this timeless romantic gesture.

OR... You get some twisted joy out of watching vegetation wither and die.

3. A SWEET POEM

It means that... You're a hopeless romantic, a cultured person who recognizes the power and beauty of the written word.

OR... You're used to cheap gifts and like to pass yourself off as a cultured person who recognizes the power and beauty of the written word.

4. DINNER/DANCING

It means that... You enjoy the company of that special someone and the romantic setting of fine cuisine and candlelight.

OR... You're easy to please and probably willing to sell your body for food and a few quick turns around the dance floor.

5. WAFFLE IRON

It means that... You're a practical person who believes in gifts that you can actually use.

OR... You have absolutely no idea of what gift-giving is all about and probably have some sort of deviant fetish involving kitchen appliances.

"Behind every successful man is a surprised woman." (Maryon Pearson)

"I never married because there was no need. I have three pets at home which answer the same purpose as a husband. I have a dog which
growls every morning, a parrot which swears all afternoon and a cat that comes home late at night." (Marie Corelli)

"Sometimes I wonder if men and women really suit each other. Perhaps they should live next door and just visit now and then." (Katharine
Hepburn)

"In politics, if you want anything said, ask a man; if you want anything done, ask a woman." (Margaret Thatcher)

"I am a marvelous housekeeper. Every time I leave a man I keep his house." (Zsa Zsa Gabor)

For Women's Day, Riste bought his wife a robot vacuum cleaner.

"It's brilliant!" he told his friend. "It works all by itself. And she loved it — she even named it Riste Junior."

"Why Riste Junior?"

"It bumps into the furniture all day and calls it work."

On March 7th, tulips cost five dollars a bunch. On March 8th, the same tulips cost twenty.

An economist asked the florist to explain the market forces.

"Simple," said the florist. "On the 7th, you're buying flowers. On the 8th, you're buying forgiveness for the other 364 days."

"What did you do for your wife for Women's Day?"

"I surprised her. I vacuumed the whole apartment without being asked."

"And was she surprised?"

"Completely. She took a photo and sent it to her mother. It's on Facebook now — two hundred likes, under the caption 'Miracles happen.'"

For Women's Day, Trajko announced his gift: "My dear, today I will do everything you do around the house. You rest!"

By nine, he had called his mother.

By ten, he had called her mother.

By eleven, the washing machine had defeated him twice.

At noon he surrendered unconditionally. His wife accepted — on one condition: next year, the gift is jewelry.